The Master Cleanse (Also Known as the Lemonade Diet)

Lemonade Diet - The Master Cleanse

I was introduced to the Lemonade Diet (officially called the Master Cleanse) when I was working towards my yoga teacher certification in Atlanta, Georgia. Our head instructor, Bethany Vaughn, who owns Atlanta Hot Yoga, swears by the diet and for us to kind of wind up our time there, all of us that were training agreed we’d go on a 10-day detox together. Out of the six, four of us made it through all ten days. I made it only four. And during that time I kept a diary:

Day One

I dreamt about food last night. I know I did. I’m hungry and I want a waffle with maple syrup. Instead, for the next ten days I have to drink a lemonade diet of lemons, cayenne pepper and the most important ingredient — the thing that makes it doable — the maple syrup. I dread the next two days. I’m going to get a screaming headache coming off the coffee and who knows what else. Hopefully, I won’t collapse. Apparently this has all the nutrients I need. You just feel icky from the crap leaving your system. Headed to yoga now. It’s 7 a.m. 1 glass down. 7 more to go.

Day Two

I woke up this morning fully alert, no foggy head like normal, but I can feel little aches and pains. The acuity is growing. And when I walk to the kitchen for my detox tea I feel light-headed. I got on the scale. 139 from 142. That’s never been the case. Down into the 30s for a 5’9″ girl. Although none of us in the yoga teacher training are doing this to lose weight. We are more interested in the benefits to our practice.

I warmed the detox tea. I’m supposed to have some sort of laxative tea in the morning and at night. All I want to do is stay at home in bed and read. Not sure if I want anyone at the studio to see me in these highs and lows. Last night all of us teachers on the detox reached this state of total delirium. It was pretty freeing and every thought I’d ever had about anything was coming out on the mat. Candace said it felt like being drunk. We agreed.

Today we test on the 4th chapter of the Sutras and during break I read the chapter and instead of a few tries for comprehension, it took only one. Not sure if the morning workout helped or its the diet. I know all the poisons are coming up. Just like Candace I feel pain in the back where the kidneys are. No telling what’s coming out after 34 years of no detoxing and eating all sorts of refined foods.

I opened the fridge and saw wrapped pizza. It just looks like a big brick. I wouldn’t even care to unwrap it.

I also have that feeling under my tongue that I’m going to puke — naseous and I’ve heard vomiting is possible.

Day Three

Skipped writing because I didn’t feel like it.

Day Four

I cannot believe I’ve made it this far. I’m doing things, studying and all. My focus has never been clearer. I’m not foggy in the morning, but I’m not sure if I can pull off a full yoga class tonight (w/o puking). It’s not that bad. My insides feel very clean. God. Day Two at the studio was terrible. I just layed around. My tongue had already gone white from the toxins. Yesterday I actually went places like FedEx and the Post Office. I actually remember thinking I was very calm and rested. In touch with every moment going on in that place.

My dreams still focus on food. Packets and packets of food. It doesn’t matter what the proportion. I wonder if my stomach is pissed at me for shrinking it. I’m still 139, that hasn’t changed.

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